On goals, recommitting, and running scared

I’m not sure what shape this will take. I’m never sure when I sit down here. But I was issued a challenge – and I’m not one to back down when the gauntlet is thrown.

“Do something you love, but you feel you never have time for.” So here I sit. At a small coffee shop in my home town. Fingers on keys, pen on page. I had to leave my home in order to do this. The clutter and chaos make for too much distraction. Everywhere I look is something to do there. Something to distract. I live my life in the chaos right now. It’s nice to escape. And even in that escape there is distraction. This page has sat open on my computer for almost 4 months. Distractions happen, even in the wild.

It’s time to recommit. To myself. To this space. To the struggle. To life.

It’s been more than a year; of ups and downs; of family; of running both for myself and  something outside of myself. Because community and companionship are the best ways to even begin to overcome tragedy.

I have run three marathons (and a number of other races and events) in the last year+. Got a tattoo. Drank some good whiskey. And most importantly, witnessed countless others achieve things that they believed impossible. I love watching other people succeed. Helping them push themselves. Helping them to overcome.

On the heels of two fairly disappointing marathon race results, I’m left pondering – what’s next. What action to take. And I’m unsure.

For the last year, I’ve made myself small. I’ve tried not to take up space. And I think I’m done with that. So here I am, trying to take up space again. Trying to find my own what’s next.

I’m not committing to any regularity here. As I’ve done so in the past, and not been true. So for now I’m going to say – I’m here to do my best. To put myself out here. To pursue my dreams – to turn dream and goal into action. I’m going to do my best to continue to write. To continue to help people. And to continue to help myself.

For now, I’m working on the plan. I’m working on the what if. I’m working on the why.

I have a new notebook (always a requirement for a new plan), and a new pen.

For now, that is good enough.

Cheers to new beginnings, to doing better, to doing what I can, and to Matcha Lattes.