Recommitting Myself

Good evening! It’s been a while.

Marathon training has begun again in earnest and I have been Busy (with a capital B). There’s a lot going on in this life of mine right now. So much that sometimes I don’t have moments for myself, and those moments that I do have are fleeting.

Truth be told, I haven’t been committed to this space. And I miss it. I’ve had doubts lately. Not just about writing, but about running and life. I’m working on squishing that inner voice, that tiny running monologue that says “you can’t. You’re not good enough. No one reads this stuff. Nothing will ever come of it. You’re slow. You’re never going to accomplish your goals.” Etc. Etc.

Sometimes, that little voice just needs to be stepped on. I had a 10 mile training run today (yes, 10 on a Tuesday). My goal was to keep my heart rate down despite the heat and humidity. And I did that, but at a sacrifice to my pace. Just under 10 minute miles?! That’s never going to get me to a sub 4 hour marathon. And so I thought about it, and thought. And decided that if my goal is to get there, I truly have to believe I can. No matter what pace today was, tomorrow may be different. The same goes for running as for so many other things in life. That’s also where the shirt I wore came in today. I grabbed it out of my dresser drawer without even thinking about it, but it has the Fellow Flowers believe message on it:

“Believe. To look within, to overcome. Loving myself enough. I have the will, the determination and the courage to defy the odds…and inspire. My challenges have made me a fighter – a survivor. They will not define me or confine me. I will run my own race. Different, beautiful and all my own. I believe in me and my potential. And I’m going to succeed because I’m brave enough to think I can”

So I am recommitting myself, to this page, to the marathon, to my goals and dreams and aspirations. I won’t listen to that voice, which sometimes is loud and booming, and sometimes is but a squeak.

Instead I will believe.